Real Life with Rachel Proctor

Saying Goodbye - 12/30/06

How many times do we casually say goodbye to someone we love thinking we'll see them again? It might just be an hour from now, maybe a week, or a month down the road but rarely do we think we'll never see them again.

I remember the last time I saw my paw paw Charlie. I went to visit while I was in Charleston to do a show right after paw paw Jack passed away. It was one of the first times I'd ever performed that neither one of my grandpa's were there. I knew paw paw Charlie wasn't feeling well when he didn't come to see his "Christine" sing. He always called me by my middle name. I never could figure that out but it was kind of our little thing. He was the only person who called me that.

I loved my grandfathers so very much and now having lost them both I realize how lucky I've been to have them in my life as long as I did. The saddest thing to me is that my children will never know two of the greatest men of my life.

I had a vivid dream about paw paw Charlie last night and I woke up this morning knowing he was gone. Then the phone rang. He'd passed away last night in the hospital. I got to see him while I was home for Christmas. He was not concious. The machines were breathing for him and I could hear the beaping of the heart monitor. It was just me and my paw paw in that hospital room and I told him I was there and his heart beat went up and as I was talking it kept going up. I got to tell him I loved him and I know he heard me ...especially when I told him about the new Country Weekly article. He was always so proud of me.

My grandmother married Charlie before I was born. He wasn't my grandfather by blood but I know he loved me just as if I were one of his own.

There's a picture I have hanging in my hallway. It's me and both of my paw paw's walking hand in hand down the streets of NY when I was 8 years old. I believe that now they will both always be walking on both sides of me taking care of their little girl.

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